mom to be.. some day

I've never posted this (see below).. who knows why, but I am posting it now cause I just want to remember this time. Very shortly after I wrote this, on August 11th 2010, I actually got pregnant.. what are the odds??? hahaha :) Oh the intuition of a woman, it is precious!

"Ok, how should I say this?
Today I received my first 2 maternity tops! ha! :)

I know, I'm crazy, and my husband thinks so too, since.. well no I'm not pregnant.. yet. But that's how I do things. If I'm going to do something then I start doing it even if it's not here yet. I get prepared and how can that be bad? Worth it every penny since I got it for so much less, I waited for sales and I got 2 nice maternity tops from Shade which I loOove. Now just wish us luck that I can use them soon :)"


{by the way, after the miscarriage the shirts are now still in a bag, waiting to be used.. let's see what the new year will bring, right?}

The story

I had quite a different 6 months then never before. After loosing my dad last June some things have changed. For some time the normal things I used to do changed to other things. I had a refuse of getting back on the computer, I couldn't stand it anymore. I was just living the moment in such different ways.. I guess grieving, .. I'm still doing now.

Then my Christian and I went through another great experience. At first it was such a joyful one. We were expecting a baby! Oh gosh, what an excitement. Doe to the fact I wasn't sure I was even be able to get pregnant, you can imagine how great news that was. It's been fantastic to be pregnant.. all the way even if from the very beginning I new I was having an hard pregnancy. I mean I figured it out once I started having so many symptoms I never heard anyone have in the first weeks or first months.

Oh it has been hard, but not as hard as having complications, bed rest, a subhcorionic hemorrhage, pain of another world, gone in labor twice, and then actually lost the baby.
What an experience. I'm not sure I can describe it. It is a very sad experience you know.. I've lost our first baby, and it has been so painful like anything before. Quite traumatic and not as simple as going to the bathroom and flash it out.. nop, not for me. It took weeks, lots of pain, bed rest, and moree pain, and actually mORe pain. Yes, epidural for me next time even if I'm not actually having a baby please!!!!
But do you think it is crazy I look back with a smile? I loved being a mother, that feeling you get while pregnant.. so precious. I loved having this experience no matter how it ended.. I never want to forget it and I'm glad I can look back with a smile. We had a baby that was given to us even if for a short time, but he was with us :)

Now talking about recovery. This is something else I'm still learning from. You know, everyone acts around you like it's not big deal cause they went throw it, their sister's went throw it, and oh they know so many friends that had tuns of miscarriages, so really it's not big deal.
So without knowing I really started to think it wasn't a big deal for me. I think I kinda forced it that way, until I had to say, stop. I'm in general a positive person, but being positive doesn't mean you are doing great, you are trying to get better with a positive attitue. My body is drained, yep still drained, and I don't know how long it will take, but no I'm not back to normal just yet. I can do some things, but no I'm not back to normal just yet. Fact is, it is a big deal,  being back to normal.. I can't say that.

Some things are coming back to me, and I can finally enjoy more like go back to nice walks in fresh air, and enjoy this beautiful season that I love so much. I finally can go back to enjoy creativity..  I love to look up on etsy and see what other people have created. Even if right now I'm still not in the position to start making things, I love to be inspired by other people. So now I take one day at a time, trying to follow what my body and mind needs to get back to normal after such a traumatic experience.
It is hard to "not run faster then you have strength for..". It is in my nature to run, but in the past years I have done better. Hopefully also this time I will be better with my self and take it easy, keeping on learning how much nicer it is to slow down and carry on :) Oh yes, cause life it is so much better that way :)

{My dad's loss, a pregnancy and miscarriage... now on my way to recovery}

pretty much in love

I'm Christian's wife :)

and a Wedding Gown Designer and LOoooOVe it!

I did design my own dress .. wow is it a year ago?? Yes it is! What an experience. I'm really not used to design and make something for me, so it has been extremely an hard work. If on top you put a broken back that put me completely out of movement.. yea quite an experience hahaha!

I now moved to a different country, with all it's differences and I'm enjoying it all!

In my prospective

Life is made to be inspired, 

and I seek to find my inspirations 

everyday

in beautiful simple things.

Hopefully soon I'll be able to get back to work 

for all of you future brides out there!

Even you

still dreaming about that day, cause let me tell you.. 

That day will come, 

and you better be prepared for the most incredible of times!

You'll then realize once more that

faith is just a gift. 

Using it is a choice.

The outcome is an imaginable "stretched" discovery.

Life is a whole new world to be

and gratitude is an overwhelmed heart of happiness.

They say it's called.. 

"Love".

my new home

I wake up now in this place. 

Sunshine outside ready to warm up like it was summer time, and it's great cause it is end of November. Nice warm air makes you just wonna stay outside all the time. Palm trees are welcoming me every morning as soon as I open my eyes. Squirrels must like them too cause they just won't stop running up and down all day long. Gosh and they are huge. Things are bigger here.. oh yes everything is bigger. Let's start from squirrels to fruits, streets, cars, houses, books, discounts, Movie Theater, chairs, decorations, stores and yes some people too.

It feels like Christmas every time you go in a store. Sooo much around, it is crazy.. Wow! If it feels like Christmas everyday, what is Christmas gonna be like???

The language is different here but it doesn't bother me, all is well.. kinda like I'm used to it already, like many other things. At the same time though I still feel on vacation.. You know after all to make it easier to leave my country I told myself I was gonna leave for a loooong vacation. It has worked very good till now, but now it is an adjustment still in process.

Inside there's not many things around, but it is very welcoming. It is warm with lots of light, clear. I love the light… I need light. Also it is bigger then I was expecting.  After empting my 2 suitcases I had a weird feeling. I then realized I really had  n o t h i n g  with me. The few clothes I brought with me in those few begs are now not fuelling the apartment, my time, my habits, my work, my activities or else.. Nop, but all is well. 

I wake up now in this place. 

It is different for many reasons, but mostly cause it is my home. He is my home. The one I've waited for so long to find. To actually find again.

The one that makes me oooh so happy like I’ve never thought possible. It has been calling me, and I almost gave up, I thought wasn't no more possible to find it. But here it is now, and everything doesn't really matter anymore. Cause I'm at home. That bright smile I love so much and makes my whole world. And this makes all your old hopes and dreams come true and make sense. Makes new things be born, a new life is born and new hopes and dreams are out there. New strength new joy and wish is out there. There is so much more to discover, so much more you thought never possible, but look! Here it is.. And here is some kinda new faith to help you seek it, find it and look for more.

Here is your chance to become more. It is an adventure, an incredible adventure, but field with so many colors all around and tones I've never seen before. Really?? Who would have thought colors would have so many more tones..?? 

There is so much new music, new things to look at. New shapes and forms are in front of me everyday. Some are familiar to me and some are just so normal, almost like they were supposed to be there long before. Till to the must surprising one called ‘husband”, but yea... again I prefer to call it my home. I love it! 

I love my home, oh gosh I love it so much.

Christian in CH count down- Arrivo di Christian in CH

one day

un giorno

!!!!!!!!!

(: 

invitations are OUT!!!!! yessss...

Finalmente sono in volo. Anzi alcuni di voi li avete giá ricevuti, mentre altri dovranno aspettare ancora qualche giorno.

Ok let me tell you, after this.. aaall this ... I decided I'll never throw away any invitations I'll ever get EVER! Wait, I'm already doing that, but yea.. After all that work I know what it means now hahahahaha(:

I'm happy. One more thing DONE. Enjoy it, and we'll be waiting to see you at our receptions(:

Baci

vitamins, VITAMINE, more vitamins please!!!!!

Haven't been this sick in ages...

I ...

... miss you like crazy

wherever you are, I'm with you (:

COngratulations! You made it! Your film is done(: I'm so proud of you, i love you!

Ok.. more Sam for you (:

yes, Kjerstin

This is all I've got..

today IS a good day

Ok I've got to say it, cause.. yea I'm way excited. 

Today I've finally got our invitations printed OUT!!!!!!!!! OH gosh.. it feels soooooooo dang good. 

Not done yet.. so people, just be patient and wait hmm.... few more days to have it all done, and few more to actually receive it. Well, just as a reminder for you people at the other continet.. yea it will take a few more MORE days for you guys, sorry(:

but I'm exciteeeeeeeed!!! hahahahahahaha(: ah come sono felice(:

i got to see the mountains of Portland..

from your beautiful pictures, thank you(:

WOW, beAUTIFUL!

Day 3 and THE END (:

DAY 2

u r sooo cute(:

Separation Anxiety-DAY 1

IN ACTION

I love you (:

That most be Marty.. and one of the many girlfriends ha(:

Pascal was so nice not only to take this pictures and sent them to me. But to turn on skype this morning/evening there, to actually see for few minutes all of them at work(: Wow that was so great.. And Christian still doesn't know hahahahaha(:

Merci, Merci, Merci!!!!!

Pascal é stato cosí gentile non solo a fare queste foto e mandarmele. Ma accendere skype questa mattina/sera li, per vedere per qualche minuto tutti loro al lavoro(: Wow, che emozione, fantastico!!! E Christian ancora non lo sa hahahahaha(:

Grazie Grazie Grazie!!!!!

Cathrin is coming!!!!!

yep she is for the weekend.. gosh I'm so glad.  Is it only 2 weeks ago we were together? 

She sent me a text message few days ago asking me if it was ok she was coming. OOOOOh goodness!!! I have to say this week is an amazing week. Seems like the heavens are pouring down all of those blessings that honestly I haven't even thought about. Hmmmm.. might be cause I've actually reached my limit of insanity, so.. I mean, can't really go more forward then that, so let's go back to the other side(:

So yes.. it is a good week, and it is more then great for you to come. You crazy??? Why in the heck you even ask anyways??.. 

I need some fresh, good, stable, warm, normal, positive shot of something called friendship(: yea my insanity craves it!!

welcome to Lugano again Cathrin!

Preparando il mio ultimo discorso da single.. / Preparing my last talk as single..

"Noi possiamo dare la nostra vita per coloro che amiamo: non fisicamente, morendo per loro, ma piuttosto vivendo per loro, dedicando loro il nostro tempo, essendo presenti nella loro vita, servendoli, essendo cortesi, affettuosi e mostrando vero amore per i nostri familiari e per tutti gli uomini, come insegnó il Salvatore.

Non sappiamo che cosa potrebbe accaderci domani, ed é per questo che oggi é il momento in cui cominciare a mostrare il nostro amore tramite piccoli gesti come un abbraccio e un " ti voglio bene" da dire a vostra moglie, ai vostri figli e a chi vi circonda."  -Liahona Novembre '07-

"We can lay down our lives for those we love not by physically dying for them but rather by living for them-

giving of our time; always being present in their lives; serving them; being courteous, affectionate, and showing true love for those of our family and to all men- as the Savior taught.

We don't know what could happen to us tomorrow, and that is why today si the time to start showing your love through small acts such as a hug and an "I love you" to your spouse and children and those around you." - Liahona November '07-

You might not know..  but I'm so dang lucky, I got U in my life(: 

I love youU

What we are up to - Cosa stiamo facendo

beside all the rest..

HIM- Lui / He's way over there (Portland, USA) doing this (: ..

I wish I could be there with you. Good luck to you my dear. I can't wait to watch it(:

HER-Lei / and I'm way over here (Lugano, CH) doing this..

fiiiiinally started, not even 1/2 way.. But I'll get there(:

guess what

YEP, still happy and still getting married!

What did you think? We are passed 1/2 way there, and there is nothing I said N O T H I N G we can't go through. So chill out, enjoy the ride cause in 57 days we ARE getting married, nuts or not nuts doesn't matter anymore,  ci sposiamooooo!

(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(: 

TODAY in exactly 2 MONTHS!!!!!

we'll be together forever(:

* * * * * * * * *

and I just can't be more excited Christian (:

I would add to your last post..

but after all this, and getting to your VERY LIMIT,

you finally see .. this

and life just goes back to normal and it's colors.. Till when, I can't really say thoug..(: Can't really  predict next minute around the corner.. 

but thank goodness for those colors and that fresh air(: 

Recharge is required for next ride.

And yes would be nice to live that long... After all that's why we are going through all this, so.. take a deep breath, and let's see what tomorrow is like(: